The World As You See It
by stars are brighter
Summary: Natsume is confused with life and everything that has to do with it. After a mental breakdown, his own world will come crashing down on him, though he will soon learn that your past and future is what shapes you as a person.
1. Chapter 1

_**Natsume didn't have friends.**_

It was like an unspoken law around here. Nobody stepped out of line, nobody ever escaped, and _nobody _had ever succeeded in actually becoming friends with Natsume (that is, unless you counted Ruka. But he was more like a vegetarian animal-lover tag along than anything else. The only exception, in this instance). The boy didn't try to act cocky or make an effort to blow off the teachers… because he never really made an effort at anything when it came to the Alice Institute, unless he was_ trying _to escape the Academy or… well; there was the darker side that he was obligated to work toward. The one thing he trained for.

_**Natsume was a murderer.**_

Everyone knew – or at least thought they knew – it well. Every story in the past had told of Natsume Hyuuga and how he'd allegedly burned down his only home, the only place that had ever been known to accept him. Because of this he was often shunned by some students and teachers and loved by others for his rebellious acts. Stupid. It was all so stupid. How could someone admire him for things like that?

He hated the Alice Academy, and in turn the Alice Academy hated him as well.

_**Natsume didn't love anyone.**_

How could he? Bad things happened when he gave affection to someone, unless it was to a person inside his own Dangerous Abilities class – and even then, people got hurt! Yes, people got hurt. No matter how sullen and rebellious Natsume would act, he still didn't want to hurt anyone, but always ended up doing so anyway.

He was going to hurt _her_ one of these days too. _She _was his partner and his frien-… no. He didn't have friends. So maybe she was just his partner and that was it. It was all she was, right? Then why did he always feel like stepping in to protect her?

_**Natsume was a liar. **_

_Yes. Yes he was. _

**Chapter 1**

"An emotional breakdown? That's… not possible… this is Natsume Hyuuga we're talking about…"

"I'm a professional, so I suggest you put your foot where your mouth is on this one."

"And you're a very pretty professional-"

Narumi had to stop short because of a chemistry book colliding with his face. He grunted, rubbing the sore spot on his forehead and grimacing several times. The school nurse, Hayune Matsibuki, was exceptionally irritated today and not just because of Narumi's unashamed advances either. "Natsume Hyuuga is _exactly _the person I'm talking about. His blood pressure was out the roof, his heart rate was going wild, and everything about him was _off. _He wouldn't answer my questions or any of the other staff when they tried to bring him out of it – he wouldn't even respond to hypnotism! I don't know. I just… don't know about this. Something doesn't seem right, but I can't figure out what it is."

"Hmm…" Narumi rubbed the back of his neck and leaned against the chair more, tapping his fingers against the armrest agitatedly. "That's not like him at all."

"Indeed."

"When and where exactly did this happen, Matsibuki-san?"

Hayune ran her fingers through her brownish yellow hair and sighed. "He was on his way to dinner, and he… collapsed. At least that's what Mikan-chan said."

"Mikan-chan?" This was a new turn of events. Confusion settled over Narumi's features. "Mikan-chan was there?"

"Apparently so. I don't know why, and I didn't think to ask her, but… that's what happened, according to her eyewitness report. She said that they were just talking and walking together-"

"Talking? Walking? That… is highly improbable."

The two had never seemed very chummy to Narume, at least… not before. Both were eleven years old (though, Natsume seemed older at times due to his intellect), so they weren't exactly adults and the apparent 'wielder of fire' wasn't one to understand relationships all that well. In fact, he only seemed to tolerate the girl whenever he saw her. Lately the sensei was noticing that the two were growing farther apart – and this was largely due to Natsume. He was worried about something; the man could see it on the poor boys' face every single moment of the day. Maybe that was the reason he hadn't been very social…

"Oi, old-sama-sensei-san…" Hayune's voice sharply broke through his present thoughts.

"That wasn't very nice-"

"Are you listening to me?"

"Huh? Oh, no I wasn't," Narumi admitted, flinching at the thought of another object flying toward any exposed part of his body because of his small attention span. "What were you saying?"

"I was _saying_ that Mikan-chan looked sincere. I don't believe she was lying about his supposed 'collapse' and when I found him he _was _mumbling incoherent sentences. The four most prominent words I heard were 'friends, murderer, love, and liar'. Do you have any idea what those could fit into? I'm just baffled…"

"Where is he now?" Narumi asked, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. Hayune looked moderately surprised at this question, but shrugged none-the-less.

"He's in the infirmary. At the moment he's been sedated, but if you want to wake him later then I suggest you proceed with extreme caution. More often than not, mental breakdowns can occur multiple times and very close together at that. If he sees you or hears something relating to his current state then it might trigger an unnecessarily stressful reaction."

"Oh my… that would be… very bad."

"Yes. It would."

'**Kay so, I hope I did alright with this! More chapters are coming soon. 3 Are there spoilers? Eh… maybe a few, but not many. Please remember that this never happened in the anime or manga, though past events have indeed occurred beforehand. Unless you haven't already figured it out, the very first part was basically describing the four things that Natsume was feeling before supposedly 'collapsing'. That's why he was mumbling about them. Oh, and Hayune was an OC I created because I couldn't remember if there were any prominent school nurses/doctors in the manga or anime. Just so everyone knows (in case I get something totally wrong) I've only read around fifty or so chapters of the manga so far. I also don't pretend to know much about breakdowns and stuff. Please feel free to slap me repeatedly if I accidentally write something crazily stupid on the subject. :/**

**I only own the fanfic! _**

**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

* * *

><p><em>It felt like he was slipping through endless time. Listless and let alone by reality, somehow avoiding the nostalgia and insomnia at the same time. It was impossible. This couldn't be absolute truth. His mind was tricking him, pulling him into an abyss that he didn't want to descend into. If he wasn't sleeping, then he was living unhappily, and if he <em>was_sleeping, then he was usually unhappy in his dreams or nightmares anyway. There was no escape… never had been. _

_So why did he feel as if he had locked himself away in his own private Pandora's Box? If someone opened it, what would arise? Was he what he had been before, or had he changed in some way? Natsume Hyuuga didn't want to change. Rather, he wanted others to change in his stead. He wanted the Alice Academy to be gone, not here, somewhere else… anywhere besides where _he _was. If it were possible for someone's mind to be totally and utterly engrossed in _nothing… _then that was what he was feeling at this moment. _

_Maybe he should just release every bit of power in my system. He can let it all go, extinguishing himself that way. It wouldn't be painful, would it? If he could stay in this nothingness forever… then he would… _

"_Natsume!" _

_The voice of someone he knows very well cuts through everything that he was feeling. Emotion is a terrible thing to some, and to others it is the best gift in the planet. As if imagination wasn't enough. _

"_Na-tsu-me!" _

_She's saying it slower now, but just as loud. Stupid girl. Stupid polka-dot-panties. He wishes now that he could reach through this blank slate and shush her somehow. Tell her to be quiet before he awakens and has to come back to the world he hates, no… more like loathes. The world he loathes. Yes, that sounds about right. _

"_If you don't wake up in the next twelve seconds, your penalty will be in the form of seventy thousand yen, extracted as soon as possible to be deposited in the bank of Hotaru Imai." _

_Another voice? This one most definitely didn't belong to polka-dot. No matter how hard she tried, Mikan-chan would never be able to think up words like 'extracted' or 'deposited'. That must have been the mad money genius, or whatever else people called her._

"_Natsume…" _

_This time it wasn't either of the two girls. That was a guys' voice. Obviously concerned for someone, it must have been Ruka-pyon. Ruka… what was _he _doing here? Come to think of it, what were any of them doing here? He didn't have friends… so it wasn't as if they were obligated to visit him. _

_Obligations. So many obligations nowadays. _

* * *

><p>"Hey, what are you doing in here?" The tired voice of Narumi cut through everyone's words as they stood around Natsume's infirmary bed, their faces worried and strained. Mikan-chan looked up abruptly, causing her brown pigtails to sway gently against her head.<p>

"We were checking on Natsume-kun… aren't we allowed to do that?"

Narumi knew he had to tread carefully here. Mikan seemed as though she were about to burst into tears, her eyes welling up with water. Her attempts to blink back the rising liquid looking so pitiful that Narumi was almost convinced that it really _was _alright for them to be in here, but the circumstances they found themselves in were just too dangerous. In this state, Natsume could destroy this place or even kill someone if his power was accidentally tapped into. They couldn't risk anyone getting hurt for something like that.

"No, I'm afraid it isn't Mikan-chan. I'm sure you're all very worried about Natsume-kun right now, but it's for the best…" Narumi walked one by one beside the young ones – and merely patting them on the head was enough to make both Hotaru and Ruka's eyes glaze over. Oh yes, he was good at what he did, but Mikan was not fooled for an instant. Her power rendered Narumi's own null and void, so it wasn't enough to just kiss her on the forehead to put her right to sleep. No, no… but there were other ways to persuade.

Without even missing a beat, Narumi grabbed her around the middle and hefted her up in a fireman's carry. This obviously didn't sit well for Mikan, since she began crying and shouting and kicking her legs at the same time.

_One must do what one must do, after all,_ Narumi thought to himself, chuckling merrily and marching out of the infirmary with Hotaru and Ruka dazedly following after.

* * *

><p>"Please answer the questions, Natsume."<p>

A bored female voice began listing off questions once again, however, the younger boy in the opposite chair made no move to open his mouth. Instead he tapped his foot gently against the floor without even meaning to, a nervous habit that he had developed shortly after his little 'panic attack', as some were now calling it, even if it was not the same thing as an actual breakdown. Apparently it sounded better and kept the whole 'unfortunate happening' under wraps.

"_Please, answer the questions, Nats-" _

"Shut up, boring lady."

A sharp inhalation of air through teeth, as if the woman before him was trying to remain composed. "I don't-"

"_Shut up, _boring lady."

"You've been saying that for the last hour. How am I supposed to do my job if you insist on being a stubborn little-"

She was interrupted once again as Natsume leaned back in his chair, propping his legs up on the metal table that separated the two of them. He looked seriously tired and just a tad bit anxious as well, but the only thing that showed it was the way his eyes kept darting back and forth between the window and door – as if he were thinking on making a run for it. "Boring lady-san… boring-lady-sama… boring-san lady-sama… lady boring… bearer of boringness…"

"Alright!" Hayune, the nurse on duty, snapped. "I get it, already."

She stood from her chair and walked – stoic-faced – over to her desk and file cabinet, where she gingerly tucked her clipboard in between two stacks of books. Natsume cocked his head a little, trying to read the titles, and his lips pursed at each name. 'Mental psychology' was present in varying forms. How is it that they thought he was crazy? Did he do something wrong? He couldn't remember anything. Waking up in the infirmary was all his brain could conjure up and memories of the last few hours before that were just a blur.

"You're free to go. Please free to check up with me if you feel anything… umm…"

"Goodbye, boring lady," he muttered smugly, exiting and leaving a twitching and grumbling nurse behind – who he was absolutely sure had cursed him out under her breath at least five times in the last twenty seconds.

_Nightmares were present in his dreams that night. Darkness was everywhere as usual, no light penetrating the thick and suffocating black. What was worse? Natsume could feel himself in the dream, knowing he was really there – or at least feeling as if he were. It was as if someone had poured oil all around him and he was now floundering in it, no hope of rising to the top, no hope of light… _

_But there was a light. Right there, as always, calling to him in his dreams. Telling him where to go, what to do, how to step, and how to swim his way out. No one could hurt him if he could grab her voice and hold it, letting her spread her light around him and in turn keeping the darkness away from the both of them. Nothing seemed so hard anymore when he could heart _that _voice. Calling his name over and over again. It was not as horrid as he had first thought to swim or walk or run in this frightening blank slate. _

_He wasn't alone. _

"Natsume?"

Natsu woke up, shivering, his teeth chattering, cold sweat making his pajamas cling to him and his hair stick in odd angles. He desperately tried to control his heartbeat, his breathing, trying _so hard _not to curl up into a ball and wait for whatever frightful thing was out there to pass by him. Someone put their hand on his shoulder and he looked up to see Ruka, who was looking confused, happy, and yet… scared a little as well. "Ruka?" Natsume asked, making an effort to compose himself again. He really didn't like his best frien-… no… he couldn't say that. Admitting to himself that Ruka was a friend put the animal-loving-boy in danger.

"What are you doing here?" Ruka asked, just slightly unnerved. "Shouldn't they have kept you in the infirmary longer? You had… you were… you… collapsed…"

"What? No…"

"Yes!" Ruka interrupted. "Everyone was worried about you! Imai and Mikan-chan and… and everyone!"

Natsume looked a little irritated. "I'm fine. What are they-"

And he felt it again, slipping into his memory, his mind, his very being like water. As if it were just too easy to keep reminding him of the past. He couldn't help it. Natsume couldn't help it, because he wasn't _there _anymore. Ruka watched, horrified, as the other boy pulled his knees up to his chest, eyes wide, clenching his teeth as if he were trying to hold onto something important.

"Na-t…Natsume…? Wait! I'll get someone! I'll…"

_But he wasn't there anymore. He couldn't hear Ruka's voice or Mikan's or anyone. All he could see was darkness. _


End file.
